Lessons from Sarah on Quality Time
Even before I had kids, I remember the debate raging: Which was more important—quality or quantity time with our kids? With all the demands on our time, how do we make each child feel special? How do we cram in the individual outings, the deep conversations, in middle of all the endless tasks, while battling our own exhaustion and depletion?
Maybe it’s not about choosing between quantity versus quality. Maybe the real question is how to infuse quality into the time we already have. No matter what our daily schedule looks like or what our life circumstances are, we can bring our entire heart, focus and presence into it. We learn a powerful example of this in the life of Sarah.
All Equally Good
The Torah tells us, “Sarah lived one hundred years, and twenty years, and seven years; these were the years of Sarah’s life.” Rashi points out that all her years were equally good.
But how? Sarah’s life was far from easy. She lived through many difficult stages. First she and Avraham uprooted themselves from home, then they endured famine and had to go down to Mitzrayim, where she was taken captive by Pharaoh. For decades she struggled with infertility, and when she was finally blessed with a son, she had to deal with a dangerously aggressive stepson (Yishmael), and then died suddenly from the shock of the Akeidah. And yet, the Torah tells us all her years were good. She met each stage, each challenge, with full faith. She brought holiness into every moment.
Even though the parshah begins with her death, it is called Chayei Sarah—“the life of Sarah.” Her influence didn’t end with her passing. The parshah revolves around three pivotal events: Avraham buying the Me’aras HaMachpelah, Yitzchak marrying Rivka, and Avraham marrying Keturah and then sending away her children. Each of these incidents brings out the influence of Sarah in the world.
A woman’s primary role is to work with the matah, to elevate the physical world itself. Because of Sarah, Avraham claimed a portion of Eretz Yisrael. Because of her, Yitzchak married Rivka and carried her legacy into the next generation. The parshah ends with Avraham marrying Keturah, then giving gifts to her children and sending them away. Avraham’s relationship with Keturah models how we engage with the material world. Even when we have to engage with the world, it’s only to the minimum degree necessary. But Avraham gave all he possessed to Yitzchak. Even when we’re involved with outside activities, we need to remember that our primary kochos belong to our children.
Bringing In Holiness
This, at its heart, is a woman’s avodah: bringing the Shechinah into the matah, the physical world, and sanctifying it. Sarah’s greatness was in bringing holiness into her home—turning every ordinary act into a vessel for Divine purpose.
And that brings us back to our lives today. As mothers, we move through different stages—some easy, some exhausting, some joyous, and some that push us to our limits. There are meals to cook, dishes to wash, laundry to fold. But these tasks do not represent our essence. We need to remember the reason why we’re doing them.
Quality time doesn’t only happen during storytime or the long heart-to-heart talks. It happens when we put love and intention into the little things: Cooking with thought for their growing bodies and souls. Washing dishes with awareness that we’re creating a clean, warm environment for our kids. Sometimes our children want our time and attention davka when we’re busiest, when we’re just trying to finish a batch of challah and set the table for Shabbos. But our children are not a distraction from all the other important things we’re doing. They are the primary purpose and focus of all our activities.
Sarah teaches us that it’s not how many hours we spend, but how fully we show up within them. When we bring love and purpose into our daily tasks, our children feel it. Through filling up each moment, we carry on Sarah’s mission— to bring G-dliness into our homes and the world , one moment at a time.
Ways to Bring Quality into Everyday Moments
- Stop and Listen. When your child talks to you, even if it’s just for a few seconds, stop what you’re doing and really listen. Those little pauses show our children how much they matter to us.
- Put love into your routine. While you’re cooking, folding laundry, or tidying up, remember why you’re doing it. Think, “I’m doing this for my kids, to make our home a happy, safe place.” When you put your love into the work you do, it changes the energy in the home.
- Let them join in. Invite your kids to help with small tasks—stirring the soup, folding towels, setting the table. Sure, it might take a little longer, but they feel included and important. You’re showing them that it’s not the task that’s important but the fact that you get to do it with them.